atnutmeg

2012-02-01T05:45:00.000-08:00

"it’s ok to be suffocated by a need,

but sometimes when you meet that need

without first meeting

a God who is big enough for you and the need,

you’ll find yourself suffocating still."

as i ache daily for [the 147 million+] orphans, the 147 million janes...oh my hurting heart...

i am grateful for this truth from a sister, this morning. grateful that as needy as each of those precious lives are for family and love and the truth of the Gospel, i am just as needy to know and to be known by my Father. to be pressing into Him with all that i am. to be encountering Him daily in His word. to be still. to trust. to rest. to abide. in the God who is big enough for me and for them.

grateful that i'm not called to understand, but that i am called to trust

and to ready myself to act. in His timing. not mine.

grateful to be a child of God

2012-01-23T19:01:00.000-08:00

what a new, hard, unexpected & good chapter i have found myself in.

some [many] mornings i wakeup and it still feels strange to not be in uganda. to wake up to quiet, instead of 17 squealing, laughing, whining, giggling little ones all around. to wake up and not be able to hang with my girl, jane. or get squeezes from sweet jojo.

to be preparing to move. but not back to uganda. to be preparing to do anything when i feel like only half of my heart is present. and the other half is across the ocean in east africa.

but it is good. because He is good.

and i believe He ordains new hard chapter to show just how good and how faithful He is.
that He alone is our constant and He alone is our surety.

and when i'm feeling down, i have a God who saves me from my feelings. (can i get an amen?)

and provides me with ever-applicable always-timely truth from His Word.

in some seasons i'm especially thankful to be a child of God.

and in this season, i am especially thankful to be a child of God.

God did it:)

2012-01-19T17:49:00.000-08:00

He pulled through! to the last cent! $250 in just 10 short days! hallelujah!!

just a day ago, my sweet friend kate touched down in uganda once again.

thank you, so many of you who gave and gave generously.

kingdom work is going to be accomplished through this girl, big time.

so proud of you, kate!

and so grateful for such giving friends.

praise Jesus!

(!!!!!!!!)

piper on missions

2012-01-09T08:34:00.000-08:00

she's on a mission!

2012-01-05T18:24:00.000-08:00

*update* WE REACHED OUR GOAL!!!
thank you
kimberlee grover
awesome little anonymous friend;)
berkley
tonja meyers
melody infinger
$0 left...He DID IT!

my friend, kate, is on a mission; God's mission. without going into a ton of detail (which you are welcome to read on her blog) kate's heart so burns for justice and the love of Christ to reign in uganda that she's faithfully sought out an opportunity to return to uganda to serve these people in a more long-term capacity. kate will be working in helping to facilitate adoptions (among many other things), something that is so dear to my heart. i know God will use her mightily and i want to be a part of what He's already begun to help get these kids home to their forever families!

aaaaand kate needs money to go! she's got 10 days and a big ol' goal she's gotta reach... so i thought, hey, i have a few readers and i bet i could get a few of them to give a buck or two (or 5). because, when everyone does a little bit, it all adds up and wonderful things happen! boy, did i see that happen in my uganda endeavors...so here's my chance to pay it forward!

so my goal? i wanna bring in $250 for kate! sooooo i thought i'd run a fun little "donate to kate" campaign. 5 bucks yall! my page stats say i get about 30-70 pageviews per post soooooo if, let's say, 50, of use give $5 toward kate's goal she'll be $250 closer...how's that for some rallying together? i jump-started this thing with my own little gift to kate so we're on our way! woo woo!

let's do it! get excited! so here's two ways: click on over to kate's blog and hit the "donate" button in the top right hand corner oooooor click the donate button below and i can transfer the money over to her it 2 seconds flat....or something close to that;)

ready....set.....goooo! let's get that girl back in that country so she can love on those people for Jesus!! i'm so proud of kate and so very grateful for her example of pursuing an opportunity to serve with her whole heart. she knew God had uganda on her heart for a specific purpose and she has sought that out and found the open door that God has been planning all along. i can't wait to hear about what He accomplishes through such an willing and ready and submitted heart to His kingdom purposes! pray for this girl too, she needs our prayers and support. you may not know her, and honestly, i don't really know kate all that well either but if you love Jesus this girl is your sister. fight for her in prayer, like the family of God that we are.

don't miss out

2012-01-02T19:29:00.000-08:00

i would so love to be in atalanta this weekend at the passion conference.

but am also so grateful for all of the effort that has gone into streaming this whole event live.

so blessed each year by the wisdom of God through faithful men like

francis chan, louie giglio and john piper.

you can join in too, by clicking here. you won't be disappointed!

easier said

2011-12-27T22:32:00.000-08:00

the 17 most most beautiful, ridiculous, precious, children i've ever known.

it was so much easier to write about the plan than to go through with it.

17 pieces of my heart remain in uganda.

the rest are struggling through terminals, security check points, long flights

and conversations with strangers where i only feel half present.

grateful for the wisdom of corrie ten boom via audiobook on my ipod to

keep me centered. and for 1 peter that God lead me to read through on the plane.

choosing to praise Him for two incredible months. what a gift.
expectant for what's in store, even if i'm not excited.

grateful He's got the whole world in His hands

and me.

following His lead...home

2011-12-19T13:50:00.000-08:00

[warning: this blog entry will probably ramble for a good bit. as i try to explain it all, i'm also fleshing this all out so that i can make sense of it for myself....you've been warned...:)]

today i have been in uganda for exactly two months.

this morning i rode a boda into town headed to the immigration office to renew my 2 month visa. if you had asked me a couple weeks ago, i'd have told you that on this day i'd go and renew for 4 months since, after all, i'd be in uganda for a minimun of six months. but God had other plans. today i stamped my visa with a one week extension.

next monday, i will board a plane, fly over the ocean, arrive in washington dc to greet my dear mother and sweet papa at the terminal. and we will go home, to five talbot avenue.

while in many ways my heart is heavy, it is also so very at peace. this has been His leading and He has granted me the grace and willingness to follow it. and for that i am so so grateful. it's just really not like me to hand things over like this. it's really not like me to do much of anything i don't want to do, but He's been working on my heart and teaching me that obedience is where the deep joy is found.

somedays i feel like i've been in uganda for only a few days and that this trip is being cut entirely too short. and then other days i feel like i've lived here my whole life and that my time in america won't be so bad since i'm sure to come back "home" at some point.

these past two months have been more than i could have ever hoped for and also more than i ever could have prepared for. i'll be honest, one of the things i am looking forward to about america is the middle ground you can settle into. i haven't found that here in uganda...and i'm not so sure it exists. things seem to be way up or way down...and nowhere in between. i'm grateful that as a Christian, high and low circumstances don't own me. Christ owns me, and in Him is found my firm foundation, my unshakeable certainty, my "middle ground."

those of you that received my prayer card were asked to pray specifically for three things, the last of which was discernment regarding my length of stay. i'm quite confident there has been some faithful prayers on my behalf and for that i am so grateful. as i began to think and pray over what the next many months would look like, it didn't take long to figure out what would be the most wise decision.

you see, i came to this country to confirm some things. i'd been longing to put my feet down on the red dirt of uganda for nearly four years. i couldn't explain specifically why, other than obvious reasons: to serve God by serving the poor. but i couldn't shake uganda. a few other missions trip opportunities arose a handful of times both in the states and overseas over the past couples year and while i sought them out and weighed the cost, i just couldn't quite move forward. it had to be uganda and i had to go to figure out why.

i won't say that i've figured out the "why" specifically or completely, but what has needed to be confirmed, indeed, it has been.

i love this country with a deeper capacity than i knew was possible. i love the people and i want to see their hearts changed for the glory of God. i love the culture and despite the deep roots of corruption and deception that have grown wildly out of control, i want to be a part of seeing the truth of the Gospel flood this nation and redeem what sin has poisoned. i love these children. let me say that again....i LOVE these children, and i pray that in His infinite mercy and grace some of them might be my own some day. i love living in uganda and i love being a missionary. i want to be a missionary for the rest of my life and that has been confirmed without a doubt.

so why home? why so soon? isn't there plenty still to be done? didn't you commit to 6 months?

why home? because as a Christian seeking adamantly after His will i really don't think there are too many wrong roads...or any for that matter. i've been reading another david platt book and this quote from his book struck me and reconfirmed what i've been wading through these past couple weeks:

"When it [comes] to our plans, the question [is], is this the best, (notice: not good, but best) way to align [myself] with the plan Jesus has laid before me?"

and as i think through good and best, the best way to serve uganda and the best way to grow in this stage of my life and the best way to refine and grow this passion He has given me for this country is to go back home and open myself up to the other roads He has that paved the will enable me to best serve Him.

so what's next?

i'll be home in maryland for about a month to rest & reflect, to process and pray, and then to build momentum and get going where He's next leading.

next stop? birmingham, alabama. if i were headed to birmingham from any other place i'd probably be pretty stoked. but leaving uganda makes it so very bittersweet. i just can't express how much i love this land.

i'm humbled and so very grateful for the opportunity that has arisen for me to intern with Pearl Ministries, a state-side ministry based in birmingham whose heart and mission is to serve the people of uganda in the very best, most self-sustaining ways to create long lasting change, started by and continued out by ugandans. as the very first intern for this new ministry i have the immense privilege of working alongside an awesome God-fearing couple who have offered to train and teach and disciple me over the course of the next year and help me to zero in on the best way to use my gifts and passion to serve God. this is an unpaid internship [for the time being] and in many ways has no specific description. but i'm taking a step of faith, trusting that His are the waters, and my job is to step out of the boat.

home is also the best way to support my dear friend and sister amy washington, as she develops her vision for a crisis pregnancy center, hopsital ministry to new and expecting moms and eventually dreams of establishing a safe, stable and God-centered birthing center to meet the needs of the young mothers in this country so desperately seeking direction and needing the Gospel.

amy's greatest need right now is finances, so after hiring a handful of women here in uganda to make 400 new bunnies, my [high] hopes are to relaunch Bunnies for Bugembe and partner with Kupendwa Ministries so that a portion of all of our sales goes toward sustaining and meeting the needs of this life-giving ministry.

(sneek peek!---->)

i feel a bit in over my head already, but i'm starting to learn to get used to that.

it feels silly to even write out of the logistics and details of my plans, as if you all are just dyyyying to know. ...hah! no, that's not what i'm thinking. but i do know the support and prayers and encouragement that has come from each of you lead me to conclude that it'd be best to keep you in the loop...so i don't look like a total spaz when you see me taking jember for a walk in cambridge next week, or driving down hambrooks blvd or in church on sunday. and so that you might continue to hold me in prayer, cause seriously people, your prayers have been workin'!

so that's whats up. that's whats next.

and now? now i will go back to Ekisa from taking a brief hiatus to process some things and gather my thoughts and i'll go laugh and play with and cuddle those kids. and enjoy this last precious week here in uganda. and praise God for being a God that is as big as He is...but not too big to be in the smallest details of my life.

and get excited about Christmas! and give thanks for the baby born, the Savior of the world, who makes even the details and logistics significant and meaningful in light of eternity. i'll wait expectantly, and even excitedly for what He has in store. and when i'm not feeling very hopeful and am much more tearful than i am excited... i'll give praise for the Christ who came to rescue us and bring us into his fold and make our lives worth living for an eternity of nearness to Himself.

you may have noticed my "tone" all over the place even in this post, it's kind of embarassing. but it's just where i'm at right now. heavy-hearted/excited&expectant. completely unsure/equipped with a plan. feeling like my heart will be left in uganda/knowing that my heart will be wherever He has placed it. lots of tear sand frustration/ lots of hopeful glimpses into what's next. i'm all over the place because, well i'm just all over the place.

thankful still that He is an anchor for my soul. thankful for the gift, the unspeakable privilege that has been these past two months. thankful that He is my constant. that He is the same yesterday, today and forever. that He is indeed our wonderful Counselor, mighty God, everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

grateful for who He is

2011-12-18T11:30:00.000-08:00

so grateful that my God knows exactly what i need exactly when i need it.

i've escaped for a night to a friend's empty home
for some much needed Jesus time.

the power is out, the candles are plentiful and i am so grateful.

tonight i am grateful for 2 timothy 2:13a

"if we are faithless, he will remain faithful..."

and for lamentations 3:21-24

"but this i call to mind and therefore i have hope:

the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end;they are new every morning.

great is Your faithfulness!"

what a rich life to belong to a faithful, steadfast, merciful, loving God

in every season of life. clinging to His promises tonight & inviting you to do so as well.

2011-12-04T21:29:00.000-08:00

‎"how many times i get discouraged at my lack of motivation to serve,my flirtatious friendship with the world, at the reality that my witness is more often bland than bold. yet daily i am reminded that it is God at work in me and through me that matters. He is the vine. i am the branch. my job is to bear fruit, not to start my own little orchard."

- andrew farmer

reading an incredible book by a pastor from my church in gaithersburg called 'the rich single life'. this book is encouraging my heart and pushing me deeper into truths from Scripture like few other books have. today this quote really comforted my soul in light of two things pressing on my heart.

one is that feeling [constant nagging from satan] of inadequacy and just the haunting mindfulness of how often i err, how many times my flesh wins, how hopeless i am....without Christ who is full of mercy and grace.

the other is a little girl named jane. this adaptation of how i applied this quote to this situation may seem odd...but it makes sense to me and helps me to take heart. my job in her life is to bear fruit in showing her Christ's love. to take the time to cuddle her and laugh with her and hold her and comfort her and rest in the plans He has established for me in her life. not to desire to live in the orchard of dreaming of mothering jane. this isn't what he has called me to for her or for now. it may seem strange and it's hard to even be honest about this but i've never loved a child so much in all my life. never cried so many tears over wanting to have her and nurture her and be the one to sing her to sleep at night and teach her to tie her shoes and tell her how precious she is to Jesus and disciple her to know her Maker.

resting in the fact that He is the vine and i am the branch. He knows best and He is holding her heart. He is jane's father and He will take care of her. i am to just be faithful in the now and trust my Jesus for the later. in my life, and in janey-girl's little life.

feelin' those prayers!

2011-12-02T07:38:00.001-08:00

dear friends,

thank you so much for your faithfulness in prayer while i've been in uganda.

i know you've been praying because i've seen and felt God moving;

stilling my heart, revealing His plan, giving peace and clarity as i wade through difficult decisions and just being so very near. sometimes i'm up and sometimes i'm down. days are good and days are not so good, i feel filled up and then i feel dried out, but He is proving to be my constant and my very present help.

i know that this peace that i have is fueled, in part, by the prayers of the saints interceding for me. so, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. i am so grateful for each of you, mom and papa, mrs. harr, mrs. taylor, sweet hannah, katie lin, linnea, sienna, kyrie, ms. lisa, grandimary, ben, aunt melinda, heidi, emily, aunt lyn, aunt dawn, and whoever else that quietly pops on this little blog and reads and prays, to you, i am so thankful.

this is my prayer for each of you:

The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.

so much love, chalice

p.s. a happy little photo for you...cause lets get real...blog posts just aren't that exciting without some sort of visual goin' on!

thankful

2011-11-27T00:36:00.000-08:00

shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

worship the LORD with gladness;

come before Him with joyful songs.

know that the LORD is God.

it is He who made us, and we are His;

we are His people, the sheep of His pasture.

enter His gates with thanksgiving

and His courts with praise;

give thanks to Him and praise His name.

for the LORD is good and His love endures forever;

His faithfulness continues through all generations.

{psalm 100}

i am so thankful for His faithfulness and perfect providence.

i am so thankful for the privilege of living this

chapter of my life in Uganda. even in the hard, the overwhelming,

the confusing, the exhausting, i am so thankful because

it is rich in communion with my Maker.

thanksgiving morning was spent at the HIV clinic

with sweet little sarah from the village behind our house.

as i sat in a waiting room with her for a few hours cuddling

her and playing with her in my lap, i realized

there is no place else i'd rather be this day.

no place.

Thank you, God, for the privilege of serving your people here.

and also, this thanksgiving, i am thankful for erika.

a fellow volunteer, dear friend and true sister.

i am thankful for the ways she challenges me daily,

points me to Jesus and keeps me grounded.

her presence here is such a clear evidence of His grace.

soaking it all in

2011-11-18T04:35:00.000-08:00

i keep trying to write and then my words feel so inadequate.

so until the words come, i'm just soaking it in.

soaking in holding sweaty little precious hands

while descending a mountain on an island in lake victoria...um whaaat?! how is this real life?!

soaking in the beautiful faces of these determined, hardworking,

attentive, dedicated, children at the genesis primary school

i have so much to learn from them. it's humbling.

soaking in weekly visits to market for groceries;

i'd take this place over WholeFoods any day!..and oh how i love WholeFoods!

fresh fruits, fresh vegetables....and reeeal fresh meat. gross. i'll save that pic for a later time..

soaking in the miracle that is each precious child here at Ekisa.

debra is one of the most remarkable children

i've ever had the privilege of knowing.

soaking in our silly wild village kids that endlessly entertain me

who like to do flips and turns and incredible acrobatic feats

...on the barbed wire fence (!!!)

soaking in the privilege to make new friends,

meet basic needs and love the least of these.

more to come on my friend, bryan, later

soaking in the exotic cows. terrifying and hilarious.

soaking in jojo.

check.out.that.face. i can't stand the cuteness!!!

soaking in the adorable little bi-racial goat sheep things...

soaking in the african sunsets. i didn't know these were real. they are so very real.

they remind me daily of my Maker and his amazing artistry. the same artistry that created every single person on this earth. and i pray that God would give me the grace to love each person and see them for the miracle that they are. just like the breathtaking sunsets.

except 1,000 fold because they are made in the image of the Creator.

also, two confessions/prayer requests:

would you please pray for me? pray against apathy, laziness, and selfishness. the pull of those sins comes on strong, even in a 3rd world country with these needs literally right outside our gate. i don't want to glamorize what life is like here. there are days when you realize the depth and extremity of poverty that surrounds you and you find yourself wanting to not do anything. i thought that would constantly spur me on to love more deeply and pour more of myself out. but often it's so overwhelming i just want to walk to the house, shut the door, get online and slump back into my comfortable unaware detached state. i hate that i feel that way. but i trust that God can and will keep changing my heart and conforming me more and more into His image. but it's true that it is both beautiful beyond expression and harder than i could ever explain. a lot like the 'blessings in the tragedy' post i wrote.

and there's a sick temptation to deceptively glamorize everything when you have an SLR camera that takes pretty great shots. i don't want to be a person who does that. i do want to share the beauty and the blessings but there needs to be a balance. keep me in check, ok?

i would so covet your prayers. i need Him. more of Him, less of me.

chicken for dinner!

2011-11-08T06:44:00.000-08:00

i could post a bajillion photos from this hilarious chicken fiasco...but i threw this together instead. enjoy a peak into the madness that is our hilarious kids (and poor chickens) at Ekisa!

kyrie favor

2011-11-04T12:30:00.000-07:00

each time i leave the maternity ward at the hospital i leave a little bit [actually a lot] more of my heart there. i love these women. and i love the opportunity to glimpse the precious redemption of poverty that is new life in a tiny baby.

on wednesday i met scovia. 10 minutes later, scovia and i named her 2 day old baby girl. she insisted that i choose the first name. i gladly (shakily) obliged. i thought of each of my three sisters names immediately. how to decide? i quickly prayed that God would give me a name for this beautiful baby girl. a christian name. in uganda names are a big deal and they basically represent christianity or islam. i wanted this little girl to have a name that represented her Maker.

i told scovia that 'kyrie' means Lord. she told me the other name she loved was 'favor'. we held hands and smiled and i whispered to her, "scovia, look at your daughter...surely our Lord has shown favor." and that was it.

i also told her about my big sister, kyrie, who is one of my dearest friends in all the world and what an incredible woman she is and that if scovia only knew her she would be so proud to have her daughter named after her.

i wrote the name down on a piece of paper by the small side table for her to write into little kyrie's birth certificate. and for the rest of my life i'll remember that day. and i'll pray that kyrie's whole life she will know that her life is evidence of our gracious Lord's favor. and that the Gospel of Jesus Christ will be here theme, her hope, her story, her song. that she will rest assured that her Maker is on her side. and loves her deeply.

please pray with me for darling little kyrie favor.

and also, on a more solemn note...please pray for annette. she is the mother in the bed next to scovia. yesterday her baby girl was still born. she is hurting deeply. pray the Lord would draw near. yet again, this unending unexplainable blessedly beautiful yet horrifically tragic world we live in. all the while, somehow, we know we are being hemmed in behind and before my our Father. pray that annette would know she is being held.

lastly, thank you from the bottom of my heart for each of your comments. thank you for taking time to leave words of such encouragement. it spurs me on in ways i cannot express. thank you.

blessing in the tragedy

2011-11-03T01:20:00.000-07:00

blessing:

on october 10, 2011 a miracle child was born. her name is gift. and she is a remarkable breath taking display of my Father's handiwork.

tragedy:

23 days later gift's severely malnourished 19 year old mother, justine, lies in a hospital bed with a gaping hole in her stomach the size of a grapefruit. her incision is infected to the point of her flesh rotting. because justine does not have money for food and the hospital rarely provides it, she has hardly eaten anything since being admitted. because she has hardly eaten, she is producing little to no milk for gift. because she can produce little to no milk, gift is being sustained on tea and water. it has been 3 weeks since her baby girl came into this world and because justine did not have the 40,000 shillings (about $15 dollars) for the doctor to stitch up her c-section, christine lies in bed. somberly celebrating the precious life of her little one while waiting to die. or for a miracle.

blessing:

my dear dear friend and sister, amy, recently moved to jinja to begin a ministry that reaches out to young girls & women in crisis pregnancies. two weeks ago amy goes to jinja main (the local hospital) with a 15 year old girl, sandra, she is taking care of who had gone into labor.

God intervenes on a rescue mission for justine. in the maternity ward, amy and justine meet.

amy quickly finds a doctor, explains that she will pay any and all hospital fees and begins [the long process of] advocating for justine. to save her and to save little gift.

2 weeks later.

blessing:

on tuesday, jessica (a dear friend and fellow volunteer at ekisa) and i jump on a boda (motorcycle), ride over the nile and into the village of bukaya where amy lives to spend the day with her. we'll observe and assist on a typical day as she fulfills this call on her life to serve the least of these. we journey about an hour away to a remote village to check in on sandra and her 2 week old baby boy.

blessing:

we arrive at sandra's and step into a dark room in her small brick home. we are warmly welcomed by sandra's kind mother and sisters. sandra lies on a mat in the corner cuddling baby dickens. sandra is smiling. dickens is healthy. amy checks sandra's stitches from her delivery. no infection and everything is healing beautifully. we spend the next hour laughing and kissing on that baby and encouraging sandra. we tell her what an incredible job she is doing. sandra laughs and tells us dickens cries a lot. we smile and tell her we are proud of her for being such a diligent, tender, and nuturing mother. even when it's hard. we give her a bag of food for the week, lots of hugs, pray over her and leave grateful for a God who has sustained and redeemed and shown Himself to be a very present help in time of need.

we make the journey back into town to head toward jinja main. on the forty-five minute ride i pray [in the 12 seater van loaded with 20] to my Father thanking for the privilege of being in this country. i am broken for sandra and the uncertainties that she will face as a young single mom, yet confident in a God who is faithful. i praise Him in advance for the work He will do and pray against the doubt that is already creeping in. we arrive at the hospital. i think it is the wrong place. this does not look like a hospital. this is not the wrong place, this is jinja main. we step inside the gate. dozens of trailer-sized small buildings are packed onto an acre or so of hot dry land in the middle of town. we walk through the courtyard about 50 yards or so until we reach the 'maternity ward'. stepping inside there are around 20 women packed in beds with a foot or two of space in between. the stench is strong. i won't describe it. but the ward reeks of anything and everything but sanitation. several women have family crowded around. others have no one. literally deserted. neglected. ignored. painfully tiny babies ar cradled in desperate mother's arms. my heart is heavy. all this life. this new fresh beautiful life in each of these beautiful newborn children. right smack in the middle of the poverty and pain and seeming hopelessness.

blessing:

justine's bed is the first to the left as we walk in. she smiles when she sees amy. amy kisses her head and peaks in on baby gift. the photos cannot do justice how small this child is. at nearly a month old and i'd imagine around 5 pounds. dangerously small and yet still breathing and so we praise Him. justine is happy to have company. amy talks to nurses, checks reports and shows justine all the while that she cares. someone is following up for her. someone is being intentional about caring for her. someone is loving her by meeting basic needs. with joy and with Christ's love.

tragedy:

we are sad to see that there has still been no progress made in stitching her up. a six inch square sheet of gauze is taped around the gaping 'incision'.

blessing:

there seems to be hope that a doctor has plans to operate next monday. the infection has been treated and there is progress. justine, while weak, seems [oddly enough] comfortable. her small malnourished frame needs to be fed. we visit with a few other women in the ward who are hungry as well and we leave to go back into town to get them a hot meal. a small hut in the market outside the hospital gate makes fresh delicious ugandan food. we bring three large containers and for 77 cents each they are filled with hearty portions of rice, beans, potatoes, and beef. we hurry back to the maternity ward to deliver the food to these precious ladies. they smile. amy speaks with some nurses to get updates on the other women, in the most desperate need, that she is serving and caring for weekly. she is paying their bills and providing for them. she is being Jesus to them. they seem 'stable enough' for now. we go to each bed, lay hands on them and plead for protection and peace to reign in their hearts until we are abe to return. i kiss their cheeks and tell them i love them and that i will be back. we leave 5 dollars to each to cover meals for the rest of the week.

tragedy:

before we leave, i give one last peak to the child of a precious mama from northern uganda. this women has been abandoned by her family. she is in a new town in a new region of the country and knows no one. she does not speak the local language. she has nothing. she is very much alone.

blessing:

we love her deeply. i have known this woman only for the past hour but suddenly she is my sister. i want to drain my bank account to lavish her with everything she needs to so that she can feel how my heart aches for her and cares for her. she has friends and Gospel access because God has allowed us to extend ourselves to her. lifting the blanket to kiss her sweet baby boy, little one smiles the most precious hilarious smile i've ever seen. little one is having happy dreams. i lift up more praises.

blessing:

jessica, amy and i head home for dinner. we are greeted by amy's six little ones who are so full of life and joy and darling smiles.

the day has been long, our hearts have been heavy, but oh how our God has been faithful. i have choked back tears all day. but i have spent the past 12 hours with true sisters and He has provided much opportunity for laughter as well. overwhelming tragedy. but we have witnessed overwhelming redemption. He has drawn near and He has allowed us to be used by Him in serving the least of these. as jessica and i call a boda and head back to ekisa we listen to praise music on the ride home. all i can do is praise. i am tempted to question the God who would allow for so much pain but more so i am flooded with gratitude for a Father who draws near when we seek His face.

He has met us here, this day.

He has met me here, each day.

the past 2 weeks have been similar to yesterday's journey with amy. high highs and low lows. but even as i read back through what i have written here i can see that the blessings, when we search for them, out weigh the tragedies. and that even when we can't see the blessings we can call to mind that this is not our home. and that the weight of glory far trancends these momentary trials. and because He is risen, with Him we will rise.

He is so faithfully knitting my heart to Himself. and i am so grateful. He is teaching me to lean solely on Him and find my refuge only in His son and in His able arms. He is breaking my heart for what breaks His. He is growing my heart for His lost sheep and He is leading the way, daily, in the rescue mission for each of them.

He is my Father, more than ever. and i am His daughter. i have always known that. but here, in Uganda, i can feel it. i love my Father and am grateful that i don't have to understand Him all the way. i just have to trust Him and rest in Him.

today i will return to the hospital to deliver photos to the mamas of their babies, along with warm hugs and more prayers. i am overwhelmed at the privilege i have been given to serve here.

15 days down and [thankfully] many months to go and most of all, more than anything, i am grateful. for life and for my Father who is able & faithful.

rachel

2011-11-01T02:51:00.000-07:00

this beautiful girl has especially stolen my heart.

her smile lights up the room like none other!

little blue ballerina, what a trooper you are.

praying one day you might not only walk, but RUN!

i believe in you, rachel. and i believe in a God who is able.

please pray with me, dear friends. xo.

cuteness overload

2011-10-31T12:17:00.001-07:00

this is musa (moose-uh). he lives next door. and i don't think i've ever seen such cuteness all packed into one little boy.

ridiculous, right?!?

what's funnier is you'll ne-ver catch this kid with clothes on. naked 24/7. what a happy hilarious little soul:)

walter

2011-10-28T22:16:00.001-07:00

walter is such an example to me. what a resilient, strong, courageous, determined little man he is. i am grateful that he is my friend and that i get to share life with him in these next many months. i am blessed.

kimaka

2011-10-23T09:52:00.000-07:00

these are a few of the children from the village where i live, kimaka (chi-mah-kah). today i took a few of the Ekisa kids for a walk around some of the beautiful red dirt roads in our village. its so funny...the children just start pouring out of the little mud houses screaming "mzungu!!! mzungu!! (which means white person!!!). haha! they are so full of life and laughter and my heart just overflows on our walks when they come out to see us.

jojo

2011-10-22T02:23:00.001-07:00

i have a feeling my posts are going to start containing a lot less words.

this is jojo. i love this kid a whole lot:)

home

2011-10-21T00:29:00.001-07:00

my heart is so full. i am home. He is so very good.

for Him. for them. not for me.

2011-10-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

life is either a daring adventure or nothing. security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure. -helen keller

adventure, unsurety & exposure for the sake of the Gospel is all i ever hope my life to be composed of. and i can't help but think that avoiding danger, in the Christian's life, is more dangerous that running head long into uncertainty and the what the world would call "unsafe".

security may not exist in nature, but in Christ is found the deepest, surest, most rooted, eternal security our hearts could ever hope for.

and so i go. hoping & trusting only in my Savior.

to the diseased,

the destitue,

the down-trodden,

the despised,

the least of these.

{zak, before}

and even with full expectation of complete and utter fulfillment and that deep-rooted joy as i experience the privilege of serving His beloved in a land far from my own. i can honestly say, i am not fearful. i am sobered and sensitive as i survey the path He is leading me on and the extremity of poverty and devastation in the lives of these little ones i've been called to extend my hands to. but i am overwhelmed with gratitude and excitement. i have the most loving family&friends that fear for me. so i hope this serves as encouragement.

{zak, after}

this is not for me. or for safety. it's for Him. for them. for their redemption & for His glory.

"take my life and let it be, ever,

only, all for thee"

pray, friends, that these words might prove true of me.

this beautiful little boy, zak, belongs to the ekisa family where i will be serving. to read zak's full redemption story, click here

tomorrow! tomorrow!

2011-10-18T11:19:00.001-07:00

never thought i could get so excited to take malaria pills. i think it's just because it's another physical step toward the reality of this adventure...like packing, suspending my cell phone, handing my car keys over to my sweet cousin, vaccuum sealing 136 bunnies, printing out travel insurance cards....

it all means that it is real. i am really going. the tentative planning has come to fruition. and the 6,000 phone calls have been made. and the 6,000 to-do lists are checked off (almost, hah).

i really have a ticket for october 19th departing Dulles international at 1:00 pm.

and so long as my gracious Father allows, my feet will hit the red dirt of uganda at 9:45 thursday night.

and i really get to be a part of one of these dance parties.

Ekisa Dance Video from Mandie Joy on Vimeo.

His goodness is humbling. it's nothing i deserve. it's nothing but grace.

those silly little malaria pills, what joy they have brought my heart today:)

soon and very soon

2011-10-16T12:26:00.001-07:00

photo credit: emily worrall

3 days until i make my home with these 3 beautiful boys

jason, zeke & walter

and the 12 other darlings at ekisa.

what a priviledge. thank you, Jesus. can't wait to squeeze these guys!

i can't wait to read in heaven

2011-10-10T07:07:00.000-07:00

sometimes you catch things in Scripture that you never saw before. except that you did. i know i've read through the books of john many times and read this verse a few dozen, but yesterday i really read it. like how my sister read mark 10:21 yesterday. and it filled me with a new sense of awe and wonder and excitement and an anticipation i almost couldn't bare.

"Now there are also many other things that Jesus did. Were every one of them to be written down, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written."

-john 21:25

i cannot wait to get to heaven and hear the stories of the many other things our Savior did to love the least of these and show Himself to be who He said He was. i can't wait for the new earth where we won't be limited by a world that can't contain all those books. i like to imagine God has prepared a beautiful library (kinda like the one the beast shows to belle...except, you know, WAY more celestial and regal and gloriously beyond our imagination because God thought it up, not walt disney.) with every single one of those testaments of everything else Jesus did on shelf after shelf after beautiful shelf. stories that are true and real and will increase our awe and wonder and multiply our praises for a God and His son, a servant King who are who they said they were. all doubts removed because we'll be in His very presence. and we'll get to read with all surety and bliss because everything they say we will be experiencing as our new glorious reality.

it's a hope like that, dreaming about the world i was really made for, the nearness to God i was created to have, all things restored, redeemed, remade, everything sad becoming untrue, just like samwise had hoped....

that's the hope that i pray that He might use me to spread to the hopeless in uganda. and to the lady at the bank. and the man who changes my oil. and my siblings and my co-workers and my friends and people who aren't my friends and to everyone everywhere else i ever go.

what a glorious hope.

psalm 23

2011-10-07T20:14:00.000-07:00

{source}

i could just weep at this beautiful paraphrase of psalm 23 from the Jesus Storybook Bible. i've been reading myself bedtime stories from this incredible collection of Bible stories nightly and since i hit this one on tuesday night, i've gone back and read it over and over. i am so grateful to be His little lamb.

God is my shepherd

And I am his little lamb.

He feeds me

He guides me

He looks after me.

I have everything I need

Inside, my heart is very quiet.

As quiet as lying still in the soft green grass.

In a meadow

By a little stream.

Even when I walk through

the dark, scary, lonely places

I won't be afraid

Because my Shepherd knows where I am.

He is here with me

He keeps me safe

He rescues me

He makes me strong

And brave

He is getting wonderful things ready for me

Especially for me

Everything I ever dreamed of!

He fills my heart so full of happiness

I can't hold it all inside

Wherever I go I know

God's Never Stopping

Never giving up

Unbreaking

Always and Forever

Love

Will go, too!

grateful for a good Shepherd.

seven

2011-10-03T17:07:00.000-07:00

i have a feeling i'm gonna like this one. come on january! i'm ready to read!

eternal perspective

2011-10-01T10:24:00.000-07:00

“our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter; [the things that have zero significance in the scope of eternity].” -francis chan / Crazy love

"we are bombarded with the temporary. make money. get stuff. be comfortable. live well. have fun. in the middle of it all we get blinded to the eternal. it’s there. you and i stand on the porch of eternity. both of us will soon stand before God to give account for the time resources gifts and ultimately the Gospel we have been entrusted with. i am convinced that you and i will not wish we had made more money, aquired more stuff, lived more comfortably, taken more vacations, watched more tv, pursued greater retirement or been more successful in the eyes of this world. instead we will wish we had given more of ourselves living for the day when every nation, tribe, people and language will bow around the throne and sing the praises of the Savior who delights in radical obedience and the God who deserves eternal worship." -david platt / Radical

to my sister, on her birthday.

2011-09-30T10:09:00.001-07:00

this day, 23 years ago, the world got a whole lot more beautiful.

i mean, seriously, check this girl out!

and i, for one, am most grateful. grateful for the sister who bunked with me for 15 years, passed down all her cool clothes to me, put(s) up with all my flat out annoying chalice-isms and chooses daily to love and encourage me like few others can. every year her kyrie-ness just gets more and more lovely. a darling daughter, beloved sister, now as a wife she adds more grace and beauty and all things wonderful to eric's life... and let's get real...i'm ready to be and an aunt and who has ANY doubt that kyrie would/will rock motherhood like she's been rockin' life for the past 23 years?? yeah. exactly.

ahem. (haha)

i love you kyrie.

man, you are so good at doin' life and it is such a joy to be your little sister.

despite all seemingly obvious evidence, this picture actually was NOT taken during any chemo treatments. we're still not sure what was going on in chalice-land this day. but you see the sister love, right? right:)

because prayer is powerful

2011-09-26T10:35:00.000-07:00

the precious ekisa boys

photo credit: www.ekisainternational.blogspot.com

today marks 23 days until my take off for Uganda. i recently sent out a prayer letter to friends and family with specific requests...but because prayer is powerful and i'm convinced it's the single most effective tool we have to combat sin and and see His mighty hand at work, i'm posting this online as well, cause i need all the prayer i can get! i desperately need His Spirit in me to be of any use at all while i'm serving in Africa [or serving any where for that matter!] and so i humbly yet boldly ask you to rally with me in prayer.

in 2 days i turn 21 years old. each birthday in the last couple years comes with gratitude and excitement to and for my Maker and this life He has given me. but each year i also can't help but be sobered and even frightened that my life is moving forward. so very fast. i've lived likely a fourth (at best) of my life already. gone. i can't help but realize i am hurdling toward eternity and i want nothing more than to be a good and faithful servant. to make the most of my days here on earth. it's with this reality in mind that i seek to recruit prayer for this new season. the beginning of the second quarter of my life.

and yet as each day goes by and i ready my heart to go, He shows me more and more that this has little to do with me. very very little. in other words, nothing. it's all about Him and i'm kidding myself if i think that i have much to offer in and of myself as a volunteer at Ekisa. all i have to offer is Christ in me. and more of Christ in me comes through grace, prayer and an adamant pursual of Him through His word. pray that i would be diligent in seeking His face so that more and more i begin to learn the art of filling up to the brim to pour out completely. willingly. daily.

a servant's heart - pray that I would conform more wholly to the image of Christ and would continually learn to joyfully lay down my life in servanthood.

Gospel advancement- that i and the team at Ekisa would be empowered by the Holy Spirit to develop creative yet profound ways to communicate the Gospel to these children and the community we live in. pray that Jesus would be made much of in and through our lives.

wisdom- while in Uganda i will be prayerfully seeking out the Lord's direction for my length of stay (beyond may) as well as the possibility of continuing to serve long-term with Ekisa and/or in Uganda. pray for discernment & clarity. my heart's desire is to make the very most of my days; to be a good and faithful servant of my King.

the beautiful ekisa girls

photo credit: www.ekisainternational.blogspot.com

greeting the day

2011-09-13T17:36:00.000-07:00

this morning i woke up and was so unsettled by my first thought of the day that went something like this..."ughhh".

that was my greeting for the day that the Lord had made. that was my greeting again.

i don't have anything real profound to say here except that about six seconds later the Lord so very gently convicted and reminded me (so kind of Him to be so tender in the morning;) that i don't need to be anxious about anything. and that to be anxious is to believe that He is not who He said He is. and He said He will supply all my needs. and that He will care for me and that He wants my cares. He wants me to cast them.

i rolled over, closed my eyes, asked for forgiveness and asked the Lord to help me start my day over again. ...mind you, this is now about 22 seconds after i've first woken up. sheesh. i sure know how to get off track real fast.

"do not be anxious about anything"

any.thing. there is nothing on this earth that is worthy of my anxiety.

"nothing, God? really? not anything. not even a little bit?"

there are concerns, there is the weightiness of the world, there are deep pains and overwhelming hurts and an appropriateness to grief for our sin...but these only fit into the category of being suitable for being lifted up to God. not for being anxiety-ridden about.

i don't need to be anxious about a long day and not getting enough sleep.

i don't need to be anxious about the uncertainties of my departure to uganda in 4 1/2 short weeks.

i don't need to be anxious about my dear dear sister, sienna who is hurting and grieving.

i don't need to be anxious about money.

i don't need to be anxious about my body.

i don't need to be anxious about how i fail God constantly and continue to live in the filth of my sin again...and again......and again. [ i need to repent. and i need to turn. but i do not need to wallow in condemnation]

i don't need to be anxious about a perpetual to-do list that seems to only grow longer.

i don't need to be anxious.

about

anything.

i need to make my request known to God.

i need to rest in the peace that is promised to flood me when i lift these things up to Him.

the peace that guards my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus my Savior.

but i don't need to stop there. i can rest there..but i can chase my worries further away with praises.

i can praise Him for breath in my lungs and a new day to serve Him with my whole heart.

i can praise Him for fulfilling a life-long dream of serving His people in uganda so soon.

i can praise Him for the precious family that i get to serve now. for 5 beautiful children that teach me more about myself as a child of God each day.

i can praise Him for a sister who's hope is secure in her Maker and who sets an example for me daily whether in joy or in grief.

i can praise Him for always supplying my needs. every single one.

i can praise Him for a body that works - eyes that see, feet that can walk, ears that can hear, skin that can feel, fingers that grasp, and on and on and on- even if it doesn't look the way i want it to.

i can praise Him because there is grace for weary broken rebellious sinful daughters like me.

i can praise Him because He cares.

i can praise Him because His promises are true.

i can praise Him because Jesus is His, and because he bought me, i belong to Jesus.

i can praise Him because even though i failed today at applying this art of praising and making my requests known and living in the good of His peace, His mercies are new every morning.

i can praise Him because that grace that He extends is boundless and free and not conditional.

i can and i will. by His power and not my own.

i can greet each day with thanksgiving and with the knowledge of a God who hears and welcomes my concerns.

because if i don't purpose to do just that, i will greet the day with anxiety. and that is not of my God.

what can you praise Him for this night, friends?

what can you praise Him for tomorrow morning as you wake to another glorious day that is a gift from a God who is love for His purposes and for His glory?

lets praise together now, and tomorrow morning and forever.

He calls us to.

He commands us to.

and

our God is so worthy.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. philippians 4:4-8

philippians 4 is so rich. you should read it.

or just all of philippians for that matter:)

cell phone candids: NC edition

2011-09-09T18:18:00.001-07:00

i love when my sister kyrie does her fun little 'cell phone candids' posts and lets us peek in on her fun finds and beautiful pieces of her life. i've thought many time, i oughta do that....but i'm not poetic or artsy enough to make it beautiful like kyr...so...i present to you my own version of cell phone candids. 12 glorious shots from my roamings around the north carolina countryside allllll. summmerrrr. loooong. i love the south. i really do. but it'll be ok if i never go back:)

wierd. ya'll. that's all i'm sayin.....

#1: an adorable tree straight outta a dr. suess book, i'm tellin ya!
#2. some peoples dogs roam about their front yard. and some let their pigs roams about. ....PIGS!
#3. starts with precious, ends with incorporated. instant laugh:)
#4. the best part about booger swamp road was it's ONE building: peace haven baptist church. nothing like a peaceful haven of a church on a swampy booger road:)
#5. if your ever wanting to spruce up your yard just a tad, here's one way to do it:
#6. some churches add on or buy new land as they grown. and some churches just keep building more churches. best part is there's about 10 acres of land vacant to the left of the papa bear church. i'm totally going back in 20 years fully expecting atleaset 2 more churches to add to their series:)
#7. i drove down a driveway that stretched about 2 miles. one of the most remote parts of the country roads i drove all summer to a home where some fun little family (who ended up not being home, dang it) had this sign pointing to their log cabin. made me wish i could play a fiddle. so i could get in on this convention!
#8. if you'd like to open up a grave you need to first call wayne or rex for approval, got it? that just makes an awful mess so make sure you ask permission.

#9. this church just sounds like a ton-a-fun, that's all i'm sayin'!

#10. ...look closely and you'll see a lovely display of this dear ladys panties strewn proudly from pole to pole. she wasn't home either. bummer.
#11. slow down! theres a deaf child dressed like peter pan complete with a night cap and knickers running about this neighborhood!
#12. the first time i drove past this house there was a steady stream of 20 or 30 cows descending out the front door and around the back of this old farm house. i woulda sworn it was all a dream...until i drove back later and they were all headed back in. hahahah...what in the world! by the time i powered my phone on a snapped a shot the last one was headed back in for....well who knows what! whatever it is that cows do in houses! haha

i'll spare you of the 1,000's of other ridiculous sightings:) those were just some favs. not hatin' on north caralina'...but they got some quirks up that wazooo! just had to share the absurdities that kept me goin' this summer. laughing can resurrect even the worst of days! fact!

confession: ok, so the first one wasn't north carolina. that was jersey....but i had to share. big tree sproutin' a little tree on top. man, makes me laugh every time. silly little things:)

time for something new

2011-09-05T10:46:00.000-07:00

it's been 5 years since i started this blog while i was at nutmeg.

goodness gracious how times have changed!

and i'd say it's time for this little blog to get a new name.

i've opted for the oh-so-exciting........

chalicehoward.blogspot.com

not sure how to switch over other than to change the url in the blogger settings tab. which makes this current address close out completely.

so just a heads up that i'll be switchin' the name this week... in case you'd like to follow as i post throughout my journey to uganda in 6 short weeks.

excited to report of His sovereign hand in the work of Ekisa as i serve along side this beautiful ministry.

see ya atnutmeg....we're movin' on to more exciting things!;)

my girls

2011-05-07T18:40:00.000-07:00

i am so thankful for friends that stay the same. same funniness. same lovingness. same beautiful faces. same chilled-out-ness. same my-heart-is-happy-and-at-rest-when-i'm-with-them-ness.

it is refreshing, so refreshing to have such dear friends like emma and annie...sisters really...to put my heart at ease and make the mundane magical. i wish everyone had friends like these girls.

it's just so great to be able to be silly and ridiculous and wierd and dorky and myself with my annabella and emma.

thank you Jesus:)

ones

2011-04-29T18:15:00.001-07:00

(just to preface these words...they were written late at night and after reading story after story of children in desperate situations and in need of their forever familes. my mind was tired and my heart is heavy. my emotions are spilling and my thoughts are scattered. my sentences are poorly structured and my rabbit trails don't always loops back around to make perfect sense. and more than likely my theology isn't spot on. but it's my heart. so bare with me. if you should venture to read....)
anyone remember this post?
i made a resolution many months ago to not spend a single dollar for a year. larger bills? yes. single dollar bills? nope. a red envelope stowed in a drawer in my night stand became the new place where every one [dollar bill] that's come into my possesion was tucked away. this wasn't my savings for a big splurge on something for me (as i am all too tempted to do) but a simple but intentional way to save money for something bigger than myself. for something that will maybe, by the grace of God, impact eternity.

slowly but surely the envelope has gotten fatter and fatter. and today, just 6 months later, little by little, bit by bit, i striked off a tally for $1-0-0!
it was a happy day. and a humbling day.
to think of all the money i have wasted through the years on little 'impulse buys'.

for example:
i really want a pack of orbit. then 6 and half seconds later i absolutely need that orbit and cha-ching... there goes a dollar.
that vitamin water looks awfully tasty...and 99 cents? i'd be silly not to nourish myself with that wholesome goodness when i'm so thirsty. i mean, i'm practically dehyrdrated. yes, definitely a need. definitely ridiculous to not buy that.
the 'one spot' at target? don't get me started. there's a reason it's only a buck. it's junk. it's for people like me. i see. i like. i want. i need. i must have. i buy.
it's gross.
it really is.
it sounds so cliche [which is so sad] but when children do lose their lives to lack of basic true needs like food, water, medicine, !!parents!!, !!love!!...it's disgusting that i take these resources that are given me by the hand of God for the advancement of His kingdom...and...i squander them. for what?
for better breath.
for quick thirst-relief when my house is 4 minutes away. with 5 running faucets. where clean and clear water bursts out at the turn of a handle.
for silly little trinkets that are who-knows-where a week later.

a humbling day for sure.

but a happy day to know that God is a God of redemption.
ray ortlund came and spoke at my church earlier this month and spurred me on with this question and astounding response.
"so what does God do when His people squander His grace?" he asks desperately?
then his he looks upward and his face beams at the wonder of the God we serve. pastor ortlund smiles, eyes closed and gently responds with the truest of joy , "He.pours.out.more.grace."

and this is what our God does. He pours it out. He forgives. He draws near. He redeems. He glorifies Himself.

i could go on and on...
but all this to say i am grateful that my foolishness in the use of my resources [among 34984598103485+ other dreadful sins] doesn't mean it's over. i can take it to Him. and every time He forgives. and every time He redeems.
and so with my new resolution i wait in anticipation to see what God will do, what need will arise that He would so graciously allow me to meet, at the end of the next six months.
to think that a holy, righteous, all-togther-perfect God would actually use the work of my hands to meet the need of a cause for eternity?
who is this God?
and how insane that He calls me His daughter?

i think of nabakoza.

i think of precious little anika

and darling vanya

and other treasures like sweet kirill.

and when i think of them and see the urgency for these little souls to fed and to be clothed and to be lovedlovedloved and nurtured and trained up in the Lord and so often the barrier is.....money?!?!

that's when gum and vitamin water seem really stupid.
and a red envelope starts to make a lot more sense.
and then i get really humbled by the fact that this is my extra.
and what if i started to give, not what i don't need and don't miss, but what "hurts" a little more.

what if a average church congregation of 300 put away their ones for a year?
children could come home to their forever familes.
they could know the love of the Father.

i gotta get serious about this stuff. my resources are not for me.
they are for Him.
join me friends! it's never too late.

thank you, Jesus, for using me for you.
money isn't exciting. but meeting the needs of the least of these? for Him? for eternity?
THAT is exciting!!

convicting truth from piper:

we stand on the porch of eternity

2011-04-25T04:30:00.001-07:00

"you and i have an average of about 70 or 80 years on earth. during these years we are bombarded with the temporary. make money. get stuff. be comfortable. live well. have fun. in the middle of it all we get blinded to the eternal. it’s there. you and i stand on the porch of eternity. both of us will soon stand before God to give account for the time resources gifts and ultimately the Gospel we have been entrusted with. i am convinced that you and i will not wish we had made more money, aquired more stuff, lived more comfortably, taken more vacations, watched more tv, pursued greater retirement or been more successful in the eyes of this world. instead we will wish we had given more of ourselves living for the day when every nations, tribe, people and language will bow around the throne and sing the praises of the Savior who delights in radical obedience and the God who deserves eternal worship." -david platt / Radical

adopted for life

2011-04-14T17:46:00.000-07:00

another one of the most powerful books i've read this year [most recently] is russell moore's 'adopted for life.'
it's more than just a book about the priority of adoption for familes and the church. it's a book about the reality of our state before our Father as adopted sons and daughters. welcomed in. rescued. made new.
it is through drawing this crucial parallel that moore argues for why adoption for God's people needs to be a priority. not merely because of the devastating poverty and injustice that surrounds orphans around the globe[although that is CERTAINLY a critical reason why!] but because as children of God we are to strive toward mirroring His love. His heart. His radical, all-consuming, knowing-no-bounds, Fatherly love. to be a people actively seeking to restore, reconcile and redeem the evil so tightly bound around this world.
we are God's children.
we are God's children.
we are God's children.
we are God's children.

we are God's children.

think about that insane reality!!
we ought to live lives that declare boldly and loudly and clearly who our Father is!! He is one who seeks out His own and rescues them from death and brings them into life abudant!!

a powerful book whose truths will stay with me for always as i pray over the precious ones He might call me to go to and rescue and love and disciple for His glory.

thank you, dr. moore.

bunnies!

2011-04-11T20:36:00.000-07:00

dear friends,
i'm pretty stoked about the new website (finished as of yesterday!) for my bunnies project! eleanor grosch is pretty much amazing. and it just would-not-could-not be what it is with out my dear dear sister kyrie. props, yo! check it out! xo, chalice

jesus called him friend

2011-04-01T20:07:00.000-07:00

"while he was still speaking, judas came, one of the twelve, and with him a great crowd with swords and clubs, from the chief priests and the elders of the people. now the betrayer had given them a sign, saying, "the one i will kiss is the man; seize him." and he came up to jesus at once and said, greetings, rabbi!" and he kissed him.

jesus said to him,

'friend, do what you came to do.'
(matthew 26:47-50)

jesus called him friend. he called him friend.

i think how often i betray my Father in thought, word and deed.
how often i deny Him with my grumbling and complaining when i ought to be proclaiming His goodness and blessing His name. living as if i do not have a resurrected Savior who has gone to prepare a place for me. an eternal home of all things glorious. i have a perfect paradise, an inheritance of eternal nearness to my Maker awaiting me.

and how sick is the filth of my sinful heart. how often i approach this good good God, this holy God, in prayer with my own, "greetings, rabi!", a filler of empty praise so that i can feel better about my myriad of requests of what i "need" and want, a listless "amen". and then. i betray him. i return to my sin. i deny my Savior as i grumble through my day. fret over my never-ending to-do's. live in impatience, judgement, selfishness, complainingcomplainingandmorecomplaining, all the while clinging so much tighter to my idols than to His word.

to think that i serve a Master who calls me friend.
he knows my weakness. he knows my sin. he knows i will fail him again and again and again. and in His infinite goodness, He stretchess out His hand to me and calls me friend.
He beckons me to the cross. tenderly. softly. in perfect love.

His perfection for my constant failings.
His pardon for my sin.
His bounty for my need.
His forgiveness and the extending of Himself for my betrayal and denial.
the great exchange.
the great exchange.

hallelujah, what a Savior.
He calls me His friend.

genuinely good news

2011-03-29T10:21:00.000-07:00

"More than anything else I could ever do, the gospel enables me to embrace my tribulations and thereby position myself to gain full benefit with them. For the gospel is the one great permanent circumstance in which I live and move; and every hardship in my life is allowed by God only because it serves His gospel purposes in me. When I view my circumstances in this light, I realize that the gospel is not just one piece of good news that fits into my life somewhere among all the bad. I realize instead that the gospel makes genuinely good news out of every other aspect of my life including my severest trials. The good news about my trials is that God is forcing them to bow to His gospel purposes and do good unto me by improving my character and making me more conformed to the image of Christ." - Milton Vincent (A Gospel Primer)

this is our God

2011-03-27T18:42:00.000-07:00

the cross of Jesus displays the most awesome exhibition of God’s hatred of sin and at the same time the most august manifestation of his readiness to pardon it. pardon full and free is written out in every drop of blood that is seen. it is proclaimed in every groan that is heard. oh, blessed door of return open to the wanderer from God and never shut! how glorious! how free! how accessible! here, the guilty, the sinful, the vile, the unworthy, the poor, the penniless, may come. here the weary spirit may bring his burden, the broken spirit it’s sorrow, the guilty spirit it’s sin, the backsliding spirit it’s wandering. all are welcome here! the death of Jesus was the opening and emptying of the full heart of God. it was the out gushing of that ocean of mercy that He heaved and panted and longed for an outlet. it was God showing how he could love a poor guilty sinner. this is our God!

-octavius winslow

sweetie.pie.

2011-03-18T20:34:00.000-07:00

elise is my new favorite little buddy. she's just about as sweet and cuuuute as they come! she is so full of smiles and giggles and all things happy but my favorite? girlfriend can chiiiiill in the sleepy wrap for hours on end in pure bliss. this is probably one of the best feelings in.the.world.

little angle baby...right?

well...most of the time:)
and it gets better. wait till you see this girly's equally as precious twin brother. only with chubbier cheeks and the best eye brows in the world. yes:) yes:) yes:)

happy friday:)

2011-03-18T13:28:00.001-07:00

the bottom of your joy

2011-03-12T09:22:00.000-08:00

getting to the bottom of your joy

piper's message from the passion2011 conference.
convicted to my core.
worth listening to.

good stuff

2011-02-27T20:33:00.000-08:00

been lovin' jadon lavik's album 'roots run deep' so so much.
my weekly 6 hours back and forth from nj to md have been so redeemed and edifying and pleasant and rich and wonderful and just...great:)...with jadon's beautiful renditions of these hymns. i mean, check out the play list!! golden!

1.come thou fount
2. blessed assurance
3. tis so sweet
4. my father's world
5. i surrender all
6. wondrous love
7. turn your eyes
8. i need thee
9. take my life
10. what a friend
11. amazing grace

this guy knows how to keep it simple and not over-do these precious beautiful orginal melodies. these songs are packed with simple comforting uplifting Gospel truths. the Spirit has used them profoundly to incline my heart toward Jesus on a daily basis. i am reminded of my pathetic and helpless state as a sinner desperately in need of and completely reliant on His grace and mercy. i stand freshly in awe of my glorious condition because of the cross and i am grateful.
so i'd say you should hit up itunes...pronto!
just a thought:)

God is God and God is good

2011-02-16T20:35:00.000-08:00

zac smith recorded this video shortly before the Lord took him home after a year long battle with cancer. below is his wife's story one year after her husband's death. so heartened by these powerful testimonies.

The Story of Zac Smith from NewSpring Media on Vimeo.

A Story | Tears of Hope from Adam Kring on Vimeo.

resolution

2011-01-29T13:28:00.000-08:00

i resolved starting in november to not spend a dollar for a year.
that's right!
and i've held to it:)

what this really means is....i've decided not to spend a single $1 bill. if ever i get change including one dollar bills i paper clip them together and put them in the back of my wallet and when i get home i put them in a red envelope in the bottom drawer of my night table.

3 months later? 48 dollars in ones!

i get so excited thinking about what i can do with this money just before christmas time next year. it is not my money for gifts or to pay that unexpected bill or to spend on myself.
i am just expecting the Lord to lay another brother or sister's need before me and allow me the privilege of answering it by providing with whatever he allows me to save in ones.

i have a feeling it's gonna be much more rewarding to put it toward Kingdom use rather than excessive vitamin waters, gum at the gas station, or any assortment of "little" things that pile up at the checkout lane.

wanna rally with me? let's see what God can do with our one's for a year!

speak, o Lord

2011-01-08T09:53:00.000-08:00

i've been listening to this song each morning before my devotions and just drinking in the truths and asking the Lord to make these things true of me. such rich rich words.

keith and kristyn getty are so beautifully gifted and draw me nearer on a daily basis. listen here.

Speak, O Lord, as we come to You
To receive the food of Your Holy Word.
Take Your truth, plant it deep in us;
Shape and fashion us in Your likeness,
That the light of Christ might be seen today
In our acts of love and our deeds of faith.
Speak, O Lord, and fulfill in us
All Your purposes for Your glory.

Teach us, Lord, full obedience,
Holy reverence, true humility;
Test our thoughts and our attitudes
In the radiance of Your purity.
Cause our faith to rise; cause our eyes to see
Your majestic love and authority.
Words of pow'r that can never fail—
Let their truth prevail over unbelief.

Speak, O Lord, and renew our minds;
Help us grasp the heights of Your plans for us—
Truths unchanged from the dawn of time
That will echo down through eternity.
And by grace we'll stand on Your promises,
And by faith we'll walk as You walk with us.
Speak, O Lord, till Your church is built
And the earth is filled with Your glory.

radical

2010-12-30T20:00:00.001-08:00

please please please take 8 hours out of your life to listen to this sermon series. if your serious about Jesus and open to being challenged, stretched, even frightened and equipped to be used for an eternal purpose, it will change you. it will change your vision for His kingdom.

i listened to this book on tape on my trip from colorado to tennessee. then agin from tennessee to maryland. i read the book just recently and am halfway through the sermon series. probably because i'm a lot more dense than most and i need to hear it 4 times. maybe more.
or if you're more of a reader get your hands on this book.
if you can't please leave a comment on this post and i will get one in the mail to you.
it's just that worth it.
not because david platt wrote these words but because he draws them straight from Scripture.
see for yourself, please invest your time in this teaching.

i wish i were a better communicator and could convey how the Lord has been at work in me through these teachings...but i'm not. and finding that so frustrating tonight as i try to share this and yet have no words to explain. so i'll stop and just invite you to please please come and be edified and have your vision expanded for His glory.

bunnies for bugembe!

2010-12-28T17:38:00.000-08:00

chances are facebook has already directed you to this new project i've started but just incase.... introducing :
go here!
God is continually breaking my heart and readying my feet for the country of uganda...more specifically the precious children in a small village called bugembe. if you would, dear friends, please consider supporting my efforts to go to these beautiful people in the name of Jesus in this coming year by purchasing a bunny.

God has yet to give me details but does indeed seem to be enlarging my vision:)
i am beyond excited for what He has in store!

Jesus our Master has embraced us

2010-12-10T05:12:00.000-08:00

So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Romans 8:35-39 (the Message)

abide

2010-12-03T04:46:00.000-08:00

"if you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free"

-john 8:31

my grandipop

2010-09-23T18:25:00.000-07:00

i love my grandfather so dearly. he is a good man. a good good man.

my grandipop:
surprises me with gold dollars at the end of a long day. because he loves to give treats. and he gives the BEST treats.

takes me on 30 mile bike rides just for fun. because he's superman.

buys me double packs of beef jerky from costco and gives me both instead of keeping one for himself.. because he's selfless.

loves to treat me to a small lemonade at mcdonald's. because he gets the 60 cent senior discount. and he's so cool that he's not afraid to cheat the system and buy one for his 19 year old granddaughter. because he lives on the edge.

tells ben and me at least two new stories every night at dinner. one from his childhood and one of our little cousin jasper. because he's charming.
often he remembers stories of me when i was 3 or 4 or 5. stories i've never heard and that my parents wouldn't even remember. but he does. because he pays attention and he loves his grandchildren with the truest of love and holds memories close in his heart.

is up at 7:00 in the morning with his drill in hand ready to hang my curtain rods that i mentioned briefly in passing just 12 hours earlier. because he listens when you talk. and because he's a serious servant.

sneaks inside the automotive office to find the receipt and pay for my car tune-up while i'm talking with the mechanic. because he's so sneaky. and because he's the most generous man i know.

invites me to jeopardy every night. because he likes to just sit with me. and because he likes to show off his mad skills of having the smarts in basically...every category.

takes me to go see "spectacular trees" in the neighborhood if we have a few hours to spare. because he loves creation. and he loves sharing beauty with people he loves.

pulls over to handy's bakery on our way home from our trip to berkeley springs today to buy me and grandimary pumpkin cupcakes with the most delicious icing i have ever had in my life. because he actually likes them more than grandimary or me. even though he won't admit it, his sweet smile accompanied by a wink says it all.

tells me goodnight every night and good morning every morning. because he is the best grandfather in the whole wide world.

i love my grandfather so dearly. he is a good man. a good good man.

would you please please pray with me that my grandipop will come to know Jesus as his Lord and Savior? he needs him desperately. because despite his goodness, apart from the precious blood he will never be good enough.
my heart breaks for this man... but rejoices in a sovereign God who will have his way.
i would covet your prayers.

all i have is Christ

2010-06-20T14:28:00.000-07:00

we sang this at church today. one of my all time favorite songs.

I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way.
The sin that promised joy and life
Had led me to the grave.
I had no hope that You would own
A rebel to Your will.
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still.

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross.
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace.

Hallelujah!
All I have is Christ
Hallelujah!
Jesus is my life

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me.
Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose.
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You.

All I Have Is Christ from Sovereign Grace Ministries on Vimeo.

2010-05-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

2010-05-24T08:55:00.000-07:00

6 months aways from home was too long! but what a sweet sweet time seeing my dear friends and family:) colorado is an exciting new adventure....but i miss my dancing years. so so much. more than i could have imagined. i look like such a mom in this, baha:)

the girls (and boys;) were incredible!!!! cannot believe how much they have grown in a year!

but so wonderful to come back to these lovely faces:)

:):):)

2010-04-29T12:26:00.000-07:00

francis chan

2010-04-23T09:55:00.000-07:00

the Lord has spoken so powerfully to me through this man over this past year. first through my hall study at school in his book 'crazy love'. and again at a conference he spoke at that was held at PBA. again in january through a journey in his 2nd book 'forgotten God' and over and over again through online sermons. i hope that you also will be blessed by this man who takes the call of Christ on his life so seriously and speaks so very boldly. the way he preaches is so convicting and so refreshing.

a particular series that i really grew from was titled 'Christ-centered relationships' that he taught along with his wife. if you go to the media player (above link) you can scroll down by date...the 1st of the 3 part series starts on 7/27/08.

read any good books lately? heard a good sermon? please share:)

pumpkin

2010-04-22T07:15:00.000-07:00

thats what this little one is:)
days with haiden can be long and overwhelming and certainly exhausting, but this little darling makes my heart happy. so grateful for her and for her dear family.
seriously, look at that face!!

mmmmm!

2010-04-21T11:46:00.000-07:00

excuse the terrible cell phone pic

this has been my absolute favorite lunch lately:) wanted to share so you all can have a new absolute favorite lunch too!

dark greens, spinach is best

cranberries *the new ocean spray pomegranate flavored ones are just an added bonus*

chopped pecans

grilled chicken

kraft asian toasted sesame dressing

and tada!

if you want to go super delish add some avocado slices, apples, and strawberries:)

oh and mama, you were right about my overly busy background. this better?

my brother is so cool

2010-04-19T20:04:00.001-07:00

2010-03-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

does anyone else think this is as funny as i do? came across this interesting sign on a walk in the park yesterday.
haiden and i weren't quite ready to brave "coyote country" nor were we in the mood to throw objects, be BIG and LOUD or exagerate our size sooooo we turned ourselves right around....:)

[i especially like the coyote clip art just in so you can easily identify one should it, you know, try to attack you or something]

haiden rae

2010-03-09T07:45:00.001-08:00

this is haiden.
we are new best friends:)
i am so excited about spending my days with her.
my heart is happy with this girl.

this man is my hero

2010-02-24T16:13:00.000-08:00

so dear.

cabo

2010-02-07T12:35:00.000-08:00

my favorite part of the day is loading up the boys, still in their jammies, into the wagon and exploring a new part of this beautiful place. the sunshine, and cool breeze and calm of the morning do my heart good. but the most good comes from talking with heidi, hearing her heart, praying over our day and taking in all her wisdom.

she is such a blessing.

mesmerized

2010-01-27T09:57:00.000-08:00

by the carousel at the mall.

i take it back

2010-01-22T20:56:00.000-08:00

that silly little ipod did not infact make my week.
but jack sure did.
his big beautiful eyes

ridiculous lashes

the way he says "uhh pease" when he wants me to hold him.

how he was cracking up so hard he could barely catch his breath today when i put my face in his today and said "boo!"

how he quickly runs to grab his two brother's sippy cups when they yell "juuuuuice"

how he fearlessly scoots himself down the slide refusing to hold my hand

how he loves to help me put the legos back in the box

how he suprises me half way through handy manny by coming over and plopping down in my lap.

how he constantly forces me to turn my head to laugh when i try to scold him for being naughty because his little face is just too cute for words.

how he brightens each and every long day in countless ways.

jackson brick, you are quite the charmer.

thank you

for making my week, you and your two equally charming brothers.

check it!

2010-01-22T20:08:00.001-08:00

i opened an account at 1st bank today and they threw this in the deal:)
woot!
i am in love!

you should go get one to, and tell them i sent you cause then i'll get the next big prize...
...dun dun dun....
a 1st bank COFFEE TUMBLER!!

thank you 1st bank for making my day. shoot, making me week!

meeting me

2010-01-17T21:47:00.000-08:00

He has met me here, in this place. in this new scary hard place.

He has been so faithful and so near to me.

He has carried me and shown me Himself so clearly.

He has drawn me to His Word for comfort and encouragement.

He has held me closely and pursued me.

He has overwhelmed me with His love.

and He has given me this precious little one, little will, and his two darling brothers to bring unexplainable joy as i spend my days with the three of them. even through exhaustion and through feeling incapable and overwhelmed, such joy. such rich rich joy
.

to God be the glory.
great things He has done.

thank you Father. You are so good. so good.

new adventure.

2009-12-10T19:33:00.000-08:00

january 8th marks the start of a new adventure

makes colorado my new home

makes me that much closer to my kyrie and eric

marks new struggles&challenges and inumerable lessons&blessings

marks God's providence in burdening my heart and then fulfilling my desires

january 8th makes me the nanny of william, jackson and matthew.

i am so excited. and so in need of prayer.
good bye beautiful florida. i sure will miss you. a lot!
farewell PBA. what a blessing you have been!
God is good:)

amazing artistry

2009-12-04T20:37:00.000-08:00

30,000 feet up in the air on my way to colorado i

was reminded of this beautiful song...

when I see the beauty of a sunset's glory,

amazing artistry across the evening sky

when I feel the mystery of a distant galaxy

it awes and humbles me

to be loved by a God so high

paul baloche, "what can i do"

i miss them

2009-11-24T07:31:00.000-08:00

but im going to see them:)

TOMORROW!!!

:):):):):):):):):):)

i took this picture of them in FLORIDA while they were in MARYLAND! isn't that craazy that that is even possible? oh the joys of skype:)...hence the ultra pixelation...

we have fun together:)

2009-11-20T13:58:00.001-08:00

little keane and i, we have fun together:)

i love dr. suess!

2009-11-19T12:31:00.001-08:00

today i read this sweet book to my class for public speaking:)
its a great book. you should go read it!
or go to youtube and have it read to you!
or if you can spare $14, i know its a stretch :/
go to barnes&noble and get your very own shiny copy!
and while your at it, if you have a minute or 2, sit down
in the dr. suess section and read The Sleep Book and Bartholemew
Cubbins, and Horton, and Green Eggs and Ham and Yertle the Turtle and the many other wondrous books of Theodor Seuss Geisel
it will make your day, it made mine:)

"thank goondess for all of the things that your not!
thank goodness your not something someone forgot,
and left all alone in a punkerish place
like a rusty tin coat hanger hanging in space.
And you're so so SO lucky
youre not a left sock, left behind by mistake
in the Kaverns of Krock!"

it will make you feel grateful and happy.
which are always good things to feel:)

good day

2009-11-14T15:20:00.001-08:00

keane and i had fun today:)

we made pizza

and went to the park

and played tag

and climbed a palm tree

and drank orange juice

and talked about God

and made up a game

and he played his violin

and showed me where he catches lizards

and to finish off we took silly pictures on their mac.

which was entirely too much fun!

and then i went home feeling very contented.

it was a good day:)

darling

2009-11-13T15:36:00.000-08:00

this little one is darling. calvin is his name and i could just eat him up.

major downside to college...there are NO kids! no babies! no precious little ones running about, no adorable little voices, no sparkely eyed little faces, no sweet little giggles, no tiny hands, no cute little noses, no little sweet peas that i can scoop up in my arms and cuddle with. none.
and i miss that like none other.
at this point i swear i would pay a family to babysit for just one evening and step back into the enchanting little world of children.
i miss it. so much.
i miss littleness.

and yes i did notice that in one single "little" blog post i managed to type 9 times...no wait 10...the word little:) <-- that makes 11

i knew i loved southwest

2009-11-07T21:20:00.000-08:00

beautiful lady

2009-11-06T13:52:00.000-08:00

not sure if you have noticed this link on the right side of my blog....
but you should definitely read stephanie's blog. this woman is amazing. read her story, listen to her words, share in her excitement for life, be blessed by her commitment to seeking joy and be encouraged by her deep love for the Lord. it will bless you.

stephanie nielson you are beautiful!

sad and happy

2009-11-03T14:31:00.001-08:00

i cryed a whole lot today. because today i flew far far away from denver. from spending 3 beautiful days with my sister and best friend. it was rich and wonderful and everything i needed after 1o long weeks of my first semester at school. dang. she is such a wonderful sister. i take heart because january means we reunite:) and it will be beautiful and rich and wonderful and everything i need all over again.

i smile because in 22 days i'll be seeing these two:) and they make my heart happy!

i love my family so much.

:)

2009-11-01T09:19:00.000-08:00

fall break is a beautiful thing. kyrie and eric are significantly more beautiful "things" :)

i love them.

!its about to go down!

2009-10-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

and i couldnt possibly be any more stoked! :) :) :)

kyr&chalireuniteoctober2009

(colorado!!! fall break!!! my sister's face!!!4 daaaayssss!!!)

piper speaks

2009-10-20T16:11:00.000-07:00

"One of the great uses of Twitter and Facebook will be to prove at the Last Day that prayerlessness was not from lack of time."

feelin' those prayers:)

2009-10-15T12:54:00.001-07:00

so many of you wonderful people have sent some of the most encouraging and uplifting words lately through an e-mail, actual written letter, facebook message, blog comment, skype convo, text, phone call or any other way of communication there may be left.

well let me just say that yall have radically transformed this past couple weeks of my college experience. i was physically ill, overwhelmed, stressed, all too easily irritated, whiny, and all sorts of other negative emotions at the beginning of school...which i assume is pretty typical...but not excusable. God has just showered mercy upon mercy through your kindess and especially your prayers. i just want to bless you all by letting you know that your prayers on my behalf are being answered so faithfully by God. i thank you all so so much for thinking of me but most of all i just praise my Savior for his faithfulness in sustaining me and even giving me JOY through my school work. this post was inspired after 4 hours in a study room in the library of truly enjoying my work. i cannot tell you how crazy this is for me to be scouring through text books, typing essays, reading a ton, making charts, filling in logs, etc and to actually enjoying it. its just not me. remember, im "not anacademic person." well can i just say that God changes people. and i am witnessing that first hand. after my first 4 hours this morning i noticed something crazy... i was in a good mood. i was proud of the work i had finished and determined and exited to knock out the rest. yall, this is craaaaazy.

(dude, take a look at those shots above. that is not even fake smile. whaaaat?! no really, im serious...thats me. in a study room. with lots of papers and text books and things of that sort. and i am smiling. wierd, right? tell me about it!)

what a mighty God we serve. i am grateful for each one of you and your sweetness that you bring to my life. i dont know who even reads this thing but lately mom, faith and mrs. harr (as well as emma, linnea, kyrie, sienna,stephanie) have managed to redeem these long grueling demanding days and make them not only tolerable but [just to say it again] enjoyable and even [cant believe i'm gonna say it] fun! blows my mind. blows. my. mind.

He is so good. yall are so wonderful.

AND i just got a call from campus recreation for an interview for work study that i have been searching desperately for. when yall pray it works:) so im just going to humbly ask that you lift me up once again. and i am doing the same for each of you dear souls.

this webcam thing sure is handy:)

p.s. you must listen to pandora's "classical symphonic" station while you study. or shoot even when your not studying. i am addicted to it. i love it so much. and on lonely days it warms my heart because if i close my eyes and imagine real hard i feel like im on the way to the smokey mountains, or a magnificent waterfall, or massanutten, or some beautiful scultpure garden, in my grandipop and grandimary's minivan. and THAT my friends, is a most wonderful feeling:)

blessings and love on this happy little thursday afternoon.

and for those of you having a not-so-happy thursday afternoon or down right AWFUL thursday afternoon, ready lamentations 3:21-25. rest in the peace He gives, and know that i am praying for you. whoever you may be:)

but please know that i would love to know how specifically to pray for you so feel free to shoot me an e-mail. chalicehoward@yahoo.com

birthday love

2009-10-13T12:54:00.001-07:00

today is the birthday of this precious child, tuesday fiona, who passed away 9 months ago after battling cancer. yesterday was her sweet mama's birthday.

today is also the birthday of tuesday's darling twin, piper.

please pray for them and love on them by sending kind words through an e-mail or blog comment. lets be Jesus to them in a very small way by sending some love and encouragement in these bittersweet days.

half12.blogspot.com

you wish

2009-10-12T12:24:00.000-07:00

if more people got to start their mondays with beautiful things like this ^ in their mail boxes the world would be a happier place. especially if the maker of that beautiful thing is your papa... who is also the brilliant designer of the kickin shirt you happen to be wearing and the crafter of the sweet nickel necklace you also happen to be wearing.
what a dear dear father i have.

disney meet

2009-10-10T12:31:00.000-07:00

got the fun opportunity of racing the disney classic this morning! orlando woke us up real fast as we took of from the starting line at 8:00 am in 101 degree weather....ouch. i have never seen so many people strewn out along the course who had just collapsed from the heat. so sad and so hard to not follow suite. but i pushed through managing to knock of 20 seconds since last week's race. i just let my body hit the ground after that finish line. it felt good. and my sweet team came running over cheering and congratulating me aaand brought water and ice cold sponges to cool myself off. how wonderful are they?!

it was a fun weekend. we got treated to macaroni grill and then stayed at a hotel right outside of seaworld last night. i must say i am quite proud of myself for hittin the books while the team went to the pool and hot tub. it feels so good to check off the homework list!

i cant belive i get to be part of this team, really its unbelievable that they allow me to run with them and actually acknowledge me as part of the team and pay for things and act like im a good runner or something. im still waiting for the day when coach white comes to his senses and kicks me off...which is what i deserve! but he is a good man and an awesome coach and never ceases to encourage and uplift me.

God continually heaps on to me that which i do not deserve. my prayer is that He keeps teaching me how to serve Him better through these priviledges and blessings. i just want to never stop learning how to be faithful and pleasing to Him. thank you Jesus for the undeserved gift of being a sailfish runner. its a good life:)

overwhelmed

2009-10-06T13:11:00.000-07:00

i have 15 separate homework assignments on my to-do list today. it is 4:00 and i have gotten 2 done. i also just found out i got a 60% on an test i studied so hard for. tragic reality....so that is kind of putting a damper on my day. but thank the Lord for dr.richards who allowed me to meet with him to figure out how to not let that demolish my grade before midterms. he was so utterly encouraging and understanding and his kindness just really blessed my heart .
please pray for me. this week's work load is gonna be a heavy one and i want to resist the tendancy to just become irritated and emotional from the stresses.

but even more importantly how can i pray for you? what is overwhelming or frustrating you this week? e-mail me dear friends so i can lift you up. please:)

no, like for real! chalicehoward@yahoo.com

hello kitty runners

2009-10-03T15:39:00.000-07:00

most runners competing at our races look something like this:but for some reason this random group of three showed up too....it would have been cute if they were about 5 years younger. instead it was very confusing. there were 6 races yesterday and i did'nt see them compete in any.

it was wierd.

treasures

2009-09-29T07:14:00.000-07:00

check out this amazing abundance of treasures from my papa! it does not get much better than this. i love each and every special gift so much! i am officially set for life with lego pendants and even a special little container full of all sorts of fun little lego pieces for having some fun:) mindy smith album: brilliant yet again. been listening to it since just yesterday and am in LOVE! mindy smith calms my soul! sweetest ever little pouch from a darling etsy seller:) moleskine that will be my new "thank you jesus"notebook where i right down things im grateful for, how perfect?! and just in time since my old one filled up! fun assortment of cute pins for making simple things fun and happy:) spurgeon's evening by evening, which i have full assurance will come to be my favorite gift of all. crazy love by francis chan [who came to campus last week! woo!] read this book yall. its really really wonderful, so basic but so dynamic! exciting new writing utensils, a new found LOVE for college life. and some big ol' post-it pads that are endlessly useful for my new post-it to-do list fettish! and other little special things that warm my heart. is damien howard (my papa) not the best gift giver?i mean come on people, this stuff is golden. what a beautiful 19th i had. thank you sweet papa! these are treasures i will keep for always. (you know, except for the post-its, and chapstick and $2...which wont last forever...but if they did i'd keep them!)
my sweet friend and fellow runner, berk-leigh got me these beautiful sunflowers AND a really sweet devotional book AND brought cupcakes to our team dinner! how dear is this girl?! love berk-leigh:)

surprise!!

2009-09-28T22:26:00.000-07:00

the girls on my hall are SOOO wonderful! look what i got to walk in on at 11:30 after finishing up some homework and expecting a dark empty dorm....friends and cake and love and smiling people and lots of hugs and kind words. i am 19! whoa! and it was a most wonderfully wonderful day.

my roomie christina, my RA hannah and suite mates anna claudia and charissa:) sweet sweet people:) God is so good.

wait for the post on my papa's birthday box:) golden through and through. juuuust you wait!!

ahhhhhhh!!

2009-09-25T08:43:00.000-07:00

TOY STORY 3!! IT WAS'NT A RUMOR!!
i am so eeexxxciiiiiittteeeeddddd!!

lizard

2009-09-24T09:47:00.000-07:00

these things are EVERYWHERE.

i almost step on dozens of them walking around campus. theyre like squirrels hah, in that they wait till right before you go to take a step and the dart under your foot to cross to the other side of the sidewalk. freaks me out. stupid creatures. but i marvel at them still:)

these are so yummy

2009-09-17T20:56:00.000-07:00

especially when they're free!
thank you papa, love you!

random side note, go listen
to living prayer by allison krauss.
so beautiful!

one month ago today

2009-09-16T12:53:00.000-07:00

i decided i'd do this crazy thing that some people actually consider fun/enjoyable. my decision was mostly fueled by an extreme paranoia of the dreaded "freshmen 15" that random people think they are being helpful by incessantly reminding/warning you of the last 3 months of highschool.
so this thing is called cross country.
and i am here to say that honestly it is just not quite fun(for me).
it is:
challenging
frusterating
overwhelming
discouraging
and so very exhausting when added to schoolwork.

i love my team. i love my coach. i love pushing myself and trying new things.
but running competitevly is so so hard and so disheartening at times.

i have been so upset with myself for my ridiculously embarassing pace for my 5k and my inability to endure like i thought i could.

i'm a really stubborn person, shamefully. and before i started cross country i was sure that that aspect of my personality would push me through this trying season.(don't ask why i had just somehow come to that conclusion) well let me tell you, stubbornesss and endurance have ABSOLUTELY no correlation. insisting on your way, your timing, your ideals, your preferences is in no way linked to the ability to overcome obstacles and fight discouragement and fear and trials. i'v learned that being stubborn makes you want to give up. having endurance makes you want to push more. being stubborn creates excuses. having endurance tolerates none. being stubborn insists your own way. having endurance seeks joy in whatever way He takes you. being stubborn is not of God. having endurance is what is required of us as His children.

today as i dreaded practice i decided to open my running log and do something that could potentially make me more unexcited to run than i presently was: calculate my mileage. yikes. well i was'nt discouraged. in fact i was pleasantly encouraged that somehow this girl [who runs long distances at approximately the pace of a 5 or 6 year old and thats not a joke.] has managed to crank out 60 miles. you can do the math. its only 2 miles a day. (although its not really split up that way since we run 5 days a week. not too impressive by any means. but 60 was a nice number to look at and claim as the amount of miles i have tread on these legs. and i thanked God for being my strength on EVERY single stride that composed that number this past month.

God is slowly working out my stubbornness and building me into a more enduring, persevering person. and it is not a fun and excitng journey. squeezing out sin and inviting in Christ-likeness is hard stuff. but oh, it is so good. so rich to become less of me and more like His Son.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

it starts with rejoicing when its hard. when i just "can't" go any further. and from that, gaining endurance.
and God is pleased when we endure.

62nd

2009-09-12T11:25:00.001-07:00

my sweet team. most supportive and encouraging group of girls i have EVER met!

i've officially raced my first 5k (3.1 miles) and i gotta say it is one of the best feelings in the world to cross the finish line of a race your not sure you could finish.
we've been training for about a month now and done plenty more mileage than 3.1 in practices but when your suddenly surrounded by 60+ other competitive(really-amazing-super-in-shape-fiercly-intimidating)runners and about half way into the race you notice your the only one breathing heavy, you start to feel weak. and feeling weak makes you want to give up.
but i'm really glad running is about 10% ability and 90% mental. because my ability is squat. but my mind keep me going. you have to keep taking your mind far away from how crappy you feel and just think about that finish line. and i'm so glad im a Christian because who better to talk to when your feeling weak than Jesus?! He so carried me the last mile.
i don't have much to be proud of from this morning's race except the fact that i finished. and i ran the whole thing. (which was a variable for me)

...and finished 62nd. out of .....yeah, 63. go ahead, laugh:) its funny!
i probably could have pulled 61st if i had'nt slowed down at the end of mile 3 for the chick behind me who was crying and needed some encouragement. and then ended up beating me by a couple strides in the last 10 meters. dang it. hahaha. well worth it though! the only thing better than hearing your team cheering for you coming down the last stretch when you feel soooo done is being able to cheer someone else on who really needs it.

this season is kicking my butt to the max and its so frusterating to be the weakest link on the team. but i know that it is so good for me and i would'nt trade it for an-y-thing!

p.s. be careful praying for humility. cause God just might put you on cross country;)

i've gone soy!

2009-09-05T14:50:00.000-07:00

always hated soy milk. just gross stuff to me!

until i became a poor college student...
...and found out its a whole $1.50 cheaper
than the regular stuff.

i LOVE soy milk. its the BEST!

(ok so i'm kind of cheating and going vanilla..but im warming my way to the straight up stuff:) its really pretty tasty actually!

this family is beautiful

2009-09-05T07:33:00.000-07:00

to do

2009-09-03T12:30:00.000-07:00

i'm finding the only way to survive under this new work load is to make multiple to do lists like so:

to do within the hour
to do today
to do tonight
to do tomorrow
to do this weekend

post-its are becoming my best friend. as well as bananas and the few hours of sleep i can grab hold of. but most of all prayer. i read over 4 of my syllabuses (sp?) online today and [once again] just began to cry so hard in the library. i immediately just started sribbling down each and every assignment that needs to be done by TOMORROW and started frantically searching through my backpack to grab a text book i could start reading and writing down notes. i was quickly becoming quitea mess and realized that i had'nt talked to God since i had woken up about 6 hours prior. yikes. i packed up all my stuff and went and found a quiet place. and i prayed and read through some of my favorite psalms. what a treat. what a release. what a beautiful thing that christians can escape life's little [and big] everyday pressures by closing their eyes and opening a Book. He is faithful. i'll make it because He is faithful. and thats amazing because i sure don't feel like i will.

please pray for me.
how can i pray for you?

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

free chipotle!

2009-09-02T15:12:00.000-07:00

with fun new friends...

...is the best!
wait. um actually it'd be way better with fun old friends.
like kyrie and eric
or michael and sienna
or emma and annie
or pax.
or faith since she loves chipotle just about as much as i do and since were really cousins!;)
and people like that:(

but katherine and jonetta are nice too:)