i remember seeing the movie 'enough' for the first time in 5th grade. i was at my friend cali's house and we were flipping through channels and somehow landed on this one. looking back i realize what a heavy and inappropriate movie it was for 11 year old me. but even so, something came alive in me watching that movie.
i don't think i even knew domestic violence existed.
i don't think i knew that it was possible that people could be so sick and twisted and make sport out of abusing and terrorizing people. making their life a living hell for "fun."
i remember a year later watching enough again. and "loving" it all over again. and then a few months later watched it again and after that kyrie bought me the dvd for christmas and i'd stick it in the dvd player every so often and my eyes were glued to the screen as i watched the story unravel of this precious women who stopped at nothing to fight for her life and the life of her child. 13 full views later i could quote it word for word and do all the same boxing moves in sync with j lo. it made me feel pretty cool. and it kind of became a running joke in my family that i was so obsessed with this movie. see, i've never been one for movies as a general statement. you've gotta really convince me it's gonna be good before i'll commit to sitting down for 90 minutes to watch much of anything. but, something about 'enough' i couldn't get, well enough of. as it turns out, there was something going on in my heart a lot deeper than a mild obsession with jennifer lopez.
the past 6 months i have had the privilege of walking alongside a precious [new] friend. the Lord had ordained for her journey, beginning many states away, to land her here in birmingham for a few months as she sought healing and new life from a past of extreme abuse. abuse on every level imaginable. for safety and privacy reasons we'll call my beautiful friend "hope". since Jesus brought sweet hope into my life, i have experienced a level of darkness that i didn't know existed as i've sought to hold her hand and heart as she braves the scary waters of recovery from hell on earth that has been her life for the past 20 years.
this darkness has felt even darker than those dark days in uganda. the days where my eyes were exposed to the reality of orphaned, abandoned, completely neglected children, children roaming the streets begging for food. and for love. and exposure to maternity wards that wreaked of sickness and death instead of health and new life. it felt more "normal" in uganda, sadly enough. to have the crushing heartache and see the devestating effects of sin and evil in the middle-of-nowhere-east-africa? that made sense. it was unspeakably tragic. but at least expected. but here? in the states? utter darkness? in the "safe" land where there's always a way out and you have a thousand resources and 911 will come to the rescue? right?
wrong.
wrong.
you see, it's here. it's happening all through this weary world from east africa to "safe" america. people are being victimized and abused and wounded viciously on every level. possibly at your next door neighbor's, maybe even on your block, certainly in your town, and undoubtedly nearer than it feels on most days when it's easier to choose to forget.
recently it hit me. 'enough' wasn't (merely) a j lo obsession mixed with a adrenaline rush from her fierce badass-ness. 'enough' was a story of justice. a story of fighting and losing and fighting and aching and fighting and despairing but then fighting harder and hoping and fighting harder and seeing evil repaid.
seeing good prevail.
seeing the broken mended.
seeing hope rising.
now, i don't think the answer to the world's hurt is (spoiler alert!) taking the life of your victimizer.
i know that Jesus is the answer to the world's hurt.
but there is something inside of us, when we see people insulted, when we are exposed to injustices around us (on both a small and large scale), when we view the invisible children documentaries, when we are told of the stories of men and women and children, especially very young girls, forced into slave labor and sex trafficking, when we see that woman angrily jerk her child's arm at walmart and speak hatefully, something inside us longs for justice to be served and for wrongs to be made right. for evil to be punished and for goodness and truth to prevail.
and i don't even know why i'm writing about this at all except to say that doing life alongside sweet hope has made me long for justice and new life like never before. it has made me long for the new heavens and the new earth. for Jesus to come back and to wipe away every tear, redeem all that was lost, restore everything broken, and resurrect all the dead places of our lives.
and that longing? sometimes that's all i need to get me through another day. and while some days i feel like i'm just feeling weary and shedding more tears than i'm spending time hoping...that reality that our lives really are a vapor and He really is coming back on a white horse, and we really will only know perfect peace and nearness to our Maker for eternity? well, that longing and those realities help me to praise Him when it's really hard, they help me to lift my head, they cause a current of peace to flow through me like none other. they give me hope. deep rooted unshakeable hope.
i remember in 6th grade writing club we read excerpts from the hiding place and were assigned to write about what it means to be "eternally minded" like betsey and corrie ten boom. corrie ten boom has always been a hero of mine since my mom read us 'the hiding place' when my sisters and i were small. looking back she had really mastered the art of looking to glory to pass through the darkest of circumstances. i remember wanting to be like that...but now that i'm older i see that grabbing hold of that "art" means willingly going through the dark places. that's a jewel we obtain that is refined through fire. and i mean the white hot flames.
and while it aches and it's scary and messy and exhausting and the hopelessness threatens to consume...
He promises that if we seek Him out we will find Him.
and when we find Him, we find hope.
because Jesus is coming back.
and there is no greater hope than our Savior coming back to claim us for eternity.
it is worth it, friends, to go to those dark places just to gain a greater hope, a greater longing, and wait with more eager anticipation and to cry out with more of my heart "come Lord Jesus!".
sometimes i think first i'd like a husband and a few children..actually many children is what i think i'd like. and those are good gifts from a good God and they are ok to want and desire.
but exposure to the darkness and walking through these valleys has made my earthly longings become so very small and my eternal longings so very strong.
i am grateful that day by day i can begin to cry out with greater passion, a true heart cry, "come Lord Jesus".
come quickly.
and there is no greater hope than our Savior coming back to claim us for eternity.
it is worth it, friends, to go to those dark places just to gain a greater hope, a greater longing, and wait with more eager anticipation and to cry out with more of my heart "come Lord Jesus!".
sometimes i think first i'd like a husband and a few children..actually many children is what i think i'd like. and those are good gifts from a good God and they are ok to want and desire.
but exposure to the darkness and walking through these valleys has made my earthly longings become so very small and my eternal longings so very strong.
i am grateful that day by day i can begin to cry out with greater passion, a true heart cry, "come Lord Jesus".
come quickly.
"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former
things have passed away.”
And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son."
-Revelation 21:23-26
-Revelation 21:23-26
